Roblox Warning!

This is one post that I wasn’t going to post, but I think is important. This one is hard for me to write, but I want people out there to be aware of what their kids are doing and how it could affect others.

Over the last few months, I have noticed a change in my 7-year old’s behaviour she has become quite angry and aggressive towards us. It’s not her usual behaviour to do this especially towards me.

Over the last few weeks, it’s become worse to the point where she is saying things like “She hates herself”. and if we say no to her she will say things like “You just want me to die”. This has lead us to seek medical help for her as we are scared for her welfare.

After talking through her emotions we worked out her problems have arisen from a game she has been playing. In the game, she stated that if she doesn’t look a certain way they call her “UGLY”, and they have said she should “GO AND DIE”.

The game I am talking about is ROBLOX.

On this game, the kids can be cruel. We have tried deleting this game, but our daughter gets angry and quite violent, so my husband will play it with her, and when they are mean he removes her from the game and reports the user, but our daughter still gets back on there, even getting up early and playing. This game is like an addition to kids.

We didn’t know how this would affect her. We are devastated about what it’s done. I wanted to share my story to let others know what this game is doing to children. What the effects of what they say can effect someone’s mind.

I couldn’t imagine losing my daughter. I know we have a long process of changing her mind process, but I’m grateful we worked it out now before it was too late.

To other’s out there with kids on this game please be aware of what they are doing and their Mental Health.

My Fun Place

Hope everyone is doing OK.

Yesterday I decided to have a day with the family for a day of fun. So the best place I decided to go was the best place I know we can have fun and all be kids including me. Also a place I feel like I can just be anyone and not be judged.

This place is Warner Bros Movie World. My favourite place to have fun along with my favourite Looney Tunes. These are characters I grew up watching. To spend the day with them makes me feel like a kid when you have no worries, no stress, no anxieties.

Watching my children have just as much fun with them as I do makes me happy. Just taking one day out makes a world of difference. It’s a big push for me to get out of the house, but I know it’s worth it in the end.

When I’m struggling with my mind I always try my favourite place to get myself better, or my family I love to make me happy. These things are important to do, these are what keep us here. If you feel low think of your favourite place, music, or people and do something with either one of them that makes you happy.

Tips Time

How is everyone doing? If your doing good awesome, if your not then that’s OK because your not alone, I’m not doing the best either and that’s OK. We all have these days or sometimes these weeks if your like me, but I’m trying to get there.

I thought I would let you in on some ideas of mine that I have done to keep my mind from spiralling further and these are:

  • Relaxing – taking time for you is important.
  • Listening to music
  • Watching movies
  • Drawing
  • Taking a walk / Drive (fresh air does the world of good)
  • Go to the beach
  • Alone time – if that’s what you like.

I also booked to see my Physio as my pain has become unbearable as needs some relief from that. I also booked to see Doctor. These are things I have chosen to do as I know as I need my pain controlled more and my health has deteriorated and need medical intervention can’t seem to shrug this flu. Usually, these tips and tricks work with a few days of fun with the family. Hopefully, things will pick up soon.

Hope these tips will help. If you have any you would like to share I would love to hear them.

BAM it Hit.

You never want to admit when you know your mental health isn’t coping, but it’s become my reality. This is the reality of Mental Health, it just hits you. We fight so hard to keep our heads up out of the water, and BAM it hits you like a tonne of bricks.

Even to the best of us, we lapse, but I want you all to understand the reality of Mental Health for all it is. I have always tried to stick true to who I am, even on the bad days. Mental Health is one of the hardest conditions to live with, relapsing is something we do on occasions, usually brought on by triggers.

My Mental Health has just been pushed to its limits, it started off with a trigger, then stress, then my health. All combine pushed it too far. You get to the stage where you feel numb, frustrated, angry, alone, like you can’t talk to anyone. Like there’s no point. You know it’s only your mind doing it as it can’t cope with anymore.

This is the time when people with Mental Health need the most help, they need time out. They need to get what’s inside out. They need absolutely NO STRESS. It’s important to never turn your back at the time. Remember it’s not them it’s their minds acting out.

BLOGGER RECOGNITION AWARD – FIRST TIMER :)

blogger-recognition-award

The Blogger Recognition Award is an online award given by bloggers to other bloggers as a way to recognize the efforts they put into their site.

Award rules:

  • Thank the nominator, and publish a post on your blog about receiving the Blogger Recognition Award. Make sure to provide a link to the nominator’s blog in your post.
  • Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  • Nominate 10-15 other bloggers for this award, and inform them of their nomination.

Thank you so much Wifeblah!!

I am humbled getting this recognition from an awesome writer wifeblah. She is my ray of sunshine. I am so grateful to have found her, she gives me the strength to keep writing. If you have not been following her yet, you are missing something. go ahead and follow her. ( http://wifeblah.com/)

Brief History How I started Blogging

I started blogging in March 2019, so I’m a new blogger, I decided to blog after losing a special person in my life for reasons that should never have occurred. I decided I couldn’t sit around watching people die, so I wrote this blog to fight the battle to open the world’s to Mental Illness in hope of saving lives.

Two Pieces of Advice to New Bloggers

I don’t think I should be the one giving advice as I’m new to blogging, but all I know is what I do and that is: Just be yourself.

1. Be passionate.

2. Be true to yourself.

I nominate the following:

You see the award is given to bloggers to recognize their efforts. So here are the list of bloggers I know that are devoting time, effort, and passion to their blogs:

If you already did this tag you don’t have to do this again, but still, I would like to list you here because I can see and appreciate the hard work you are doing with your blog.

  • http://scarpoe.wordpress.com/
  • http://psychw0rdhome.wordpress.com/
  • http://crazylittlethings.site/
  • http://emergingfromthedarknight.wordpress.com/
  • http://therapybits.wordpress.com/
  • http://wifeblah.com/
  • http://musingsofmandysmith.wordpress.com/
  • https://clivewebb65.blog/
  • http://easydietdotblog.wordpress.com/
  • http://aspiringfuneraldirector.com/

Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back.

This week has been a struggle week, I try to keep my head above board, but sometimes it’s not that easy. I’m just mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Sometimes I feel like I take three steps forward two steps back, but I know it’s all the part of the fight.

I have tried so hard to keep my head straight after an email from my ex-husband, but that was my trigger to start my fight the last two weeks. He frustrates me so much. Why does he find the need to interrupt my life? Oh, that’s right he thinks now my daughter is 18 he can just come back. He hasn’t been there in years, no Christmas, Easter, or Birthdays. He signed over his rights not to be her dad when she was just 8, then decided, I want her now when she was 12, took me through court for a year, till his then-girlfriend fell pregnant. Then it was I don’t need her anymore, so you can have her again signed, SEE YA. Thanks.

The frustration, but the interruption is mind-blowing. The feelings, all the built up emotions. My mental health goes crazy, which then entails my health and chronic pain to get worse because I’m all tense. Now I have come down with the flu. My immune system fails me when I’m like this that’s why I end up sick.

I think it’s time to do some relaxation, rest, and healthy eating to get me on the mend. Just one trigger can spiral the mind and health out of control so rapidly. This is why it’s important to keep ourselves healthy and in a safe place.

The Stigma Needs To Stop!

In writing this blog I write this in the hope of getting the word out there of how people like me who suffer should never need to feel ashamed of who we are, or hide who they are. If we open up or talk to people we should never be judged for doing so. We are just as human as the next, we bleed the same blood, we didn’t ask for this life, we deserve the same treatment as any other person.

I say this due to the judgement made by many we come in contact with and it needs to stop. On many occasions I have been judged by Psychologist for what they call dwelling on the past, I’m sorry my past is what caused my Mental Health Conditions. I don’t need to be judged, I come to you for help to heel from my past. Or being reported to the authorities for having a bad day. We come to health professionals for help, not judgement.

You go to the GP’s for medical issues, but they blame it on your Mental Health, WHY? Why is it always an issue, why is it always the first excuse for your health?

People call a helpline and get judgement, these people aren’t meant to pass judgement they are there to listen. People ring suicide lines and can be told they are being selfish, who does that, and they wonder why there are so many suicides out there.

Then we come to Medication, Well that’s another thing, sometimes they don’t check up to see how it’s working, The costs in paying for medication can be too much for some, so some may not get their medications, or they don’t give the correct medications or do the wrong treatment.

Psychologist/Counsellor appointments can be quite costly. For some of us, weekly visits or more are a necessity which can be very expensive which doesn’t help us trying to recover. Even having to go to any appointments for most people is almost impossible as money is almost never possible.

There are so many things out there that prevent us from getting the correct help and care, we deserve so much. So many of us lose our lives just fighting to keep alive. The Mental Health System needs to change, Psychologist/Counsellors need to change the way they talk to clients, and Doctors need to stop, think and listen to their patients and make sure to follow up.

In the end, the stigmas need to change. We have the rights just like anyone else. Lives need to be saved not lost.

A Decision Made For Me.

I wanted to write this post and let you in on a decision I chose to do, which is one I don’t regret, but I can tell you was one that was defiantly difficult to make. This decision was to keep my parents in my life or let them go. This is how I decided.

All my life I have been subjected to mental abuse by my mother. She is someone who doesn’t except her wrongdoings. Growing up was difficult as I felt like I was a waste of space.

I had two siblings, but when I was 6 my sister was sent to foster care, I never knew why she left. We weren’t told, just every now and again taken to this strangers place to see her. I don’t know how I felt then because it is all a big blur.

I remember so many people coming in and out of our house, but I felt so alone. My parents always looked good to people on the outside, but people didn’t see what they were doing to their own child.

My brother was the golden child he got everything he wanted, while I got household gifts for my 16th birthday. Was that a hint. Well not long after that I was kicked out of home, but only allowed to take my clothes.

All my life I tried to tell my parents, well especially my mum what she was doing and how much I was hurting. All she kept saying was “I didn’t mean for you to feel that way”. Then she would stop talking to me for months on end because I expressed my feelings.

There were so many bad events that happened during my childhood that she was never there for how do you not know you daughter is being molested when you are the one that walks in to the room with him in there with no light on, or she laughed about her 7-year-old daughter being chased by 5 guys with guns just because she was running with her dog and they heard gunfire, this still tortures me now. I begged her to listen to me, but with no prevail.

The last time I tried I emailed her the biggest email about everything that hurt me and I wished she had been there for, to only get back the nastiest email back calling me a “lying piece of shit”. “I’m the one that needs to wake up and come back to reality”, “I’m the problem” and “When I’m ready to wake up and smell the coffee”. Then I can “Call her again”. So I knew it was the end of our relationship.

I needed this, I know I’m not in the wrong this was the choice that was made by her not to want to fix or except things, and that’s OK. I’m happy with the decision that was made, but it took along time to get to this a lot of pain and suffering, but I’m free now.

You can’t make people love you even if they are your parents, but you can decide what’s best for you and your happiness in the long run.

This Is My Calling.

Sometimes I sit and think about what to write. It can sometimes come to my head straight away or can take hours to pop in my head. I don’t usually know what I’m going to write about because I like to be straight with you all. If I’m not feeling the best I want you to know, if I have read an article that’s got me thinking then I write about that.

I wanted to do this blog to share life’s ups and downs, living with mental health and chronic illness, ideas, and general chat. Having a mental health condition and chronic illness doesn’t mean you can’t live. Yes it’s extremely difficult I’m going to lie, days can be unbearable, but if I let it take me what’s the point living.

When I think about why this happened I think maybe it’s to be the strength to help others living the same life. Why else would I be put here? I have been blessed with the most beautiful loving children, most understanding husband, and a best friend I have had for 30 years that gets me. And to top it off I’m here sharing my story, yes I know they are not the nicest stories in the world, but I am me because I lived them.

If I can help just one person in my life, then even though I have been through the worse, I have been blessed with the best life. You have to turn the bad into something good, hey, but we are here for a reason and I believe this is my reason.

I hope you enjoyed. XXX

Unseen signs

When I think back about my childhood I come to realize that I showed a lot of signs of depression, I didn’t understand what I was doing was for a reason. I understand now that maybe what I was doing was due to how I was feeling.

I remember piecing my skin with a pin when I was only 7, I use to piece it that much I could peel the skin off, this went on for years. This all started after I was molested at age 6.

As I into pre-teen I tried smoking when I was only 10, I also tried drugs, I got into fights. I use to just go out with boys. I remember hating me so much then, this is when my behaviour changed dramatically.

Coming into my teens my behaviour continued to spiral out of control, My self-harm went from pinning to burning, I went into full-on drug and alcohol use. Partied non-stop, I also had suicidal thoughts and even tried to suicide.

When I go back and think about what I did I showed so many signs something was wrong. Yet no one noticed. When I read about suicides it makes me upset. Most of the time the signs are there they are just missed. I’m so lucky I’m still here, but some aren’t so lucky.

Warning signs can’t be ignored if you see a change in someone’s personality or behaviour PLEASE don’t ignore it because one day it may be the day of no return.