Happy 18th Baby Girl

Hi everyone, I hope you all are doing OK.

Today I wanted to share with you my weekend, as it was my oldest daughters birthday, she turned 18. I am the proudest mum, she has grown up to be the most beautiful, loving, caring, artistic, creative woman I know.

While most 18 years want to go out and party, she decided to have her birthday with just her family. She’s not one to go out she just likes to be with family, I am very lucky and so grateful she wants to be with me/us.

She decided she wanted to get a tattoo done for her birthday. I know some people don’t like tattoos, but I have a few and can’t be judgmental. Anyway, the tattoo she got was one I designed for both of us. It is her favourite song from when she was a child, I have the first part and she has the second part.

“You Are My Sunshine”. “My Only Sunshine”

This is the song we have along with a sunflower, the words become the stem of the sunflower. She wanted the tattoo to be done to keep our bond permanent. Our bond would never be broken no matter what anyway, she means the world to me. She just wanted something she could have with her everywhere she went, as though I was there.

The day started off with presents along with breakfast which was bacon on toast, then off to do the tattoos, then lunch at a Chinese restaurant, then off to her favourite place for a bit of relaxation the beach, then Pizza and a movie for dinner followed by a cake for supper.

I loved having the chance to spend the day with her, I feel like the luckiest mum in the world.

Today’s not my day

Today is not my day. You know when you having one of them days when everything just seems to be going wrong. Well, today’s my day.

It started when I woke up to the worse migraine. I battled my way into the shower, got myself dressed to get the kids to school. I go to get out the car and forget to put the windows up, then had to turn the car on to get them up. Then I walked off without locking the car, oh great back to the car I go. Now the cars locked, all while my daughters laughing at me saying mummy you’re having a bad day, I said to her it’s downhill from here babe hehe.

It did only go downhill from there, I had an eye appointment that didn’t go so well. my eyes have got worse from the last appointment, and my field test came back unusual. Now that needs to be monitored.

My migraine hasn’t gotten any better, had a lay down before getting the kids from school, but had no success. I think it’s an early night for this old lady tonight hehe.

I hope you all had a better day, and Enjoy your weekend.

Please Read.

This blog is going to be one I think could get a lot of people talking about, well I sure would like to hear your thoughts on the subject, this one got to me. So here we go…..

I was reading through the news this morning as I do every morning and I came across an article about a 17-year-old girl who died by Euthanasia. OK, so what’s wrong with this! I’m not going to copy because I don’t want to get done for plagiarism, but I would love to write about the reason behind her choice.

Her choice behind ending her life was because feeling drained and her suffering is becoming unbearable, due to her being raped as a child and suffering from PTSD, anorexia, depression and self-harm.

I was reading on through the article where it said that the laws state that a person is assessed by doctors who decided if they deem that there is no prospect of improvement, it’s unbearable and there is no other reasonable solution.

Here’s where my blood boils, this makes me so angry to hear that doctors don’t believe a child has any choice. WHAT! Wait because she has a mental health condition. Umm, excuse me. I don’t understand this law, I believe in euthanasia, but in this situation, I don’t think it is appropriate.

I don’t know how her family let her go, I would fight arm and leg for my daughter. I know what it’s like to see your daughter suffer as my daughter was diagnosed with depression at 8 years of age, I have been to the end of the world for her, but to read that they let a 17-year-old girl go like this devasts me.

I know we have an issue with suicide, but that is exactly the same thing she did, but nicely. Mental Health seriously needs to be spoken about correctly, so people understand it better. There is life after, I know it’s not all perfect, but it can be better. Don’t ride us off we are human too.

What’s your thoughts?

Self-Harm

I thought I would take some time to write about self-harm today, this is one that is hard to write about and maybe a trigger not just for me, but for other’s, so please read with understanding of this.

My self-harming starting when I was around 12, I started off with burning. I use to use a lighter and heat up the metal end and press it into my skin, I also use to run the flame up my arm or hold my finger in the flame. I did this a lot especially when I was really upset. I could never feel the pain of the burning until later on. You have no sensation of pain, you just feel numb.

When I was 16 the burning stopped, and I started turning to showering in hot water, and scrubbing my skin until it bled or my skin peeled off. This started happening after I was raped. The reason I was doing this is due to not feeling clean and trying to get rid of him, and the feelings. It would always happen when I was triggered. I also use to scatch my skin too.

Self-harm was a big part of my life, but I can say I haven’t harmed now for about 3 years which I am so happy about. Triggers are my biggest issues to my self-harm, and it’s keeping them triggers on a down low, that helps me keep my self-harming at bay.

People self-harm for many different reasons, people believe it’s for attention, but it’s far from that. I know my was due to the pain I was feeling deep inside I couldn’t get rid of. All I ever wanted was to feel free of the dirty feeling I was feeling inside. When I was burning all them years ago I hated me I hated everything about me, I wanted to hurt me, I want all the hurt and pain I felt inside to go away. No one knew what I was doing I didn’t share my dark secret to anyone.

I have had to live with the scars all my life that no one has any clue why I have them. That was my dark time, I still feel it now like it was yesterday, and it breaks my heart to know how I was then. Now I’m in a better place and not harming.

I wanted to share my story because there are so many reasons behind a scar, so never judge or ask someone about their scar because there could be a dark story behind their scar. These can trigger bad memories, please just be mindful of scars.

I hope you enjoyed.

One Of Them Weeks

Today I thought I would write about my past week, I always said I would write of my experiences even the raw one’s and this week happens to be one of the raw one’s.

You always try to be positive, but we all know this can not always be the way. I have been honest to say that I do have my downs, just as much as anyone else. I myself don’t like to be the one who opens my door to speak when I have these days. I usually close my door and shut the world away, but when I decided to do this blog it came with opening up on my lows and high’s to let people in on the reality of Mental Health and Chronic Illness, so here we go.

The last week has been very hard on both Mentally and Physically, I have been struggling with my health. Firstly I hurt my wrist about 4 weeks ago and it’s still playing havoc on my life, my doctor just keeps giving medication after medication which isn’t helping. I also have intestinal issues which are increasingly getting worse (it looks like I’m 6months pregnant) and I struggle to eat, waiting on surgery at the moment. My eyesight is getting worse (which I found out yesterday), which makes my migraines worse because I strain to see.

Having the extra medical issues it’s causing me to get more stressed out, which then is causing my anxiety to kick in. I’m also feeling more depressed. I’m having issues sleeping, which then is causing my moods to be easily triggered. Having trouble getting myself in the shower, the vicious circle begins.

I have taken the last few days to stop to collect my head before I get lost, so I have taken some relaxation time, family time, and beach time, all the things that I know make me feel better. I feel a lot better today thank god I know I was just overthinking because I was getting overwhelmed.

I know that at the end of the day I will get through each one, but thinking about it won’t help me. I know I need to stop overthinking. Things will turn out.

I wanted to share some inside to my brain this week. hope you enjoyed.