I spent years trying to get better with no prevail, I lose hope in ever finding a way to get better when Doctors and Specialist throw their hands up and walk away when things get too hard.
I have spent the last 6 years trying to get answers to my condition with no luck. I just get Specialists using me as a guinea pig, trial medication after trial medication, then it’s “sorry we have no curer.” Well OK then, umm thanks. It’s not nice to be made to feel like that, you just want answers to why you are sick.
Yesterday I took a huge blow with my pain specialist even stepping back and saying she could no longer help. That hit me for a sixer, she also stated physio would be of no help either, so she cancelled all my physio appointments. The one person I didn’t see turning their back on me just did.
When you spend years working with someone you don’t expect them to just give up knowing what you have been through. It makes you feel like giving up too. When things get too hard for people they just walk, I wish it was that easy for me. Instead of walking away maybe they should put themselves in my shoes for one day.
The fight will continue, just hope one day I will find the answers I am looking for.
Today I thought I might share what I do when I’m at home. Most people I talk to just assume I sit around all day doing nothing, so I thought I would give an insight into what I do.
Every day is different, apart from taking my children to school and picking them up. Yes, I take my children to school every day, I never miss a day. I usually get started with the morning coffee, blog, and catch up on other blog posts.
I will put on a load of washing if the machine is full. Stack the dishwasher, clean up from breakfast. I’m not keen on a dirty house.
I love to do arts and crafts, so I can get stuck into this most days to keep me busy. I like to make keyrings and phone cases from resin. (Keyrings I have made pictured below)
I also love to draw which is something I do when I can’t manage to get up, and my migraines aren’t so bad. I do miss doing this activity as my migraines do stop me from doing this one.
I don’t like to sit around doing nothing, I try to keep as busy as possible. I try to keep my mind active and my body moving as much as possible. I only do as I can and when I can. It’s important to keep your body moving.
One thing I have understood over time is that having a Mental Health Condition has taught me, is that people expect you to apologize for your behaviour. What I mean by this is that if you don’t act a certain way you feel you are obligated to apologize for your so-called behaviour.
When I say this I talk about the way we talk or our body language. I always get questions like “are you OK?” if I’m not smiling, or “what’s wrong?” if I’m not up to talking. Honestly, there may not be anything wrong it could be just tired or I don’t know what to talk about.
Sometimes conversations are hard for me to have because I can’t express how I feel, so I can come across quite blunt. People then take me the wrong way. I feel like I have to be someone I’m not to make people happy.
Yes, I have a Mental Health condition, but that shouldn’t make people dictate who I have to be. If I don’t look a certain way it doesn’t mean I’m depressed. If I don’t talk to you and I only answer with one word it doesn’t mean I’m angry or having a bad day, it could be I’m shy and I’m not sure what to say.
Just because someone has a mental illness doesn’t mean they need to be criticised for having the wrong emotions, we are just as human as the next.
This week has been a week full of its biggest ups and downs. I have struggled to understand why life has taken a turn, I always try to keep a positive look on each day, but I have been pushing myself to do that.
I know a lot of my issues boil down to my health and what my future months hold. The financial strain it has put on my family, with my husband having to stay home to look after me.
My dream to share my life and help others with my blog almost ended due to financial issues. My site got shutdown till I paid.
Not having my blog felt like I lost my soul, my place of comfort. It was the longest week ever I couldn’t handle not having my blog, it’s a big part of me and my healing process.
I hope I didn’t fail anyone by having this happen, I will make sure I keep it well paid in advance.
So much has happened it hasn’t been easy, but I’m getting there.
When I sit and think about how my life has turned out, I have to think how much it made me change as a person. As much as I hate what happened to me, it has made me appreciate things a lot more. Things I use to take for granted I would only wish I never took for granted. Like the small things that I accomplish now I appreciate so much more.
Just going out in the sun is a hard task as I am sensitive to light, not only are my eyes sensitive that cause my migraines to become more intense, but my skin has become more sensitive to the sun due to the medication I take I burn in as little as 20 minutes, so I need to be very careful.
I would never wish my life on anyone, as it’s not easy to live, but this is the life I was given and it has made me appreciate the smallest things in life. I treasure my children and every milestone they make. I take one day as it comes and appreciate each and every day I’m here.
Just being told that you are special or that you are loved is a small thing, but it means so much, these are small things in life that need to be appreciated more.
I would like to say a big Thank you to Wifeblah for nominating me I appreciate it so much. You are one kind and caring person, you are a big part of my blog and I really appreciate all your input it means a lot. It means so much to be recognized for what we do it makes all the hard work worth it. Thank you again.
Facts About Me:
I live in Australia.
I love to draw.
I use to play the cello and bass guitar.
My favourite colour is blue.
I have 2 dogs.
I love making key rings.
I use to work as a security officer.
I performed in Cats the musical when I was younger.
I was a dancer.
I use to sing in a choir.
I don’t like eating two-minute noodles.
Roller Coaster or Bungee Jumping? Roller Coaster
Online Shopping or Going to the Mall? Online Shopping
Driving or Commute? Driving
Heart or brain? Heart
A Warm shower or Foot Massage? Warm Shower
Kiss or Hug? Hug
Text or Call? Text
Flats or Heels? (women) / Sneakers or Leather Shoes (Men) Flats
Sand or Grass? Sand
White or Black? Black
I would love to nominate all of my followers as I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without all of you guys.
Today was a day I needed, but a day I don’t think my physio needed or even expected. I went in for a much needed session today as my body has been killing me. The pain has become quite unbearable these days, but thank god for my physio. He is a blessing.
Today for him was not his day. I’m usually quite the pleasant person, where you can’t tell if I’m ok or not, but today I couldn’t hold in how I was feeling. My physio was quite taken back.
He stated that he was shocked to see me so angry, and that what ever he did wouldn’t take any effect with me being so uptight. Which I know doesn’t help in the least.
Well that’s all he had to say for me to break down. Everything has just got to me over the last few weeks that I couldn’t cope anymore. I do feel a lot better getting it out, but I feel terrible it happened there.
At the end of the day we can’t always be brave can we.
I remember back to when I first thought about taking medication, I was so frustrated with the thought of living on medication for the rest of my life. I know back then I didn’t want to rely on medication to keep me going, but now after living on medication, I don’t know how I ever lived without it.
When changing from medication to new medication its when I see what it does for me and how it works. It can be quite frustrating when your medication doesn’t work anymore, as your body either gets used to the medication or your condition changes.
When I think about it I am so grateful that I don’t have to endure feeling the way I do so excessively because there is such a thing out there like medication to help dull the feelings.
If you’re ever contemplating taking medication. think about how you would benefit in the long run, you don’t need to suffer.
I wanted to share with you how my body reacts to taking a day out. As much as I love taking a day out with the family, there are consequences to doing this in the form of excruciating pain from every part of my body.
Why do I put myself through this? I do this because my family don’t need to suffer because I have an illness. My family miss out on a lot due to all my medical conditions. (Mentally and physically.) Taking one day, for a week of agony is worth it in my eyes.
When I go out for a day even just a mere 2 hours I come home with a swollen leg due to the valve in my leg that doesn’t work, so the blood doesn’t flow. To not being able to walk as my spine has osteoarthritis, I also have sciatica of the spine, so my muscles crap, as well as this burning sensation running through my spine.
With all the pain going through my back it runs into my neck which gives me vertigo, on top of that I have migraines from hell. Most of my joints have Osteoarthritis and I also have nerve damage.
Not only going out is a struggle for me physically, but mentally. Which doesn’t help when it comes to my pain as it causes my pain to be heightened, due to being anxious. When I’m anxious I have a problem where I clench my jaw which is causing a lot of problems with the nerves in my face.
People may say I’m crazy for putting myself through this for some time out, but not only does it get my family out it gets me out, which is needed no matter how hard it is, but it a sacrifice I have to make. I wanted to let people know that just because you see someone out doesn’t mean you know what their next week is going to endure.
I thought I would write about my family day out yesterday to lighten up the mood. So yesterday I took the family to a place called Paradise Country here on the Gold Coast where I live it’s a farm/wildlife park.
At the park, they have a range of animals from farm animals like: sheep, goats and a cow. They have wildlife animals like: Dingos, Kangaroo and Koalas. They also have things for the kids to do like: Pony Rides and Tractor Rides. They also have Shaun the sheep.
It was lovely to get out with the family for the day. Not that the body is feeling the best today, but it’s all worth it seeing these beautiful animals. Seeing my children with the biggest smiles. How could you not have a great day when you get to play with these cute and cuddly animals.