My Little Singer

Last night my youngest daughter had a concert at school, it was lovely seeing my daughter up on stage doing what she loves doing and that is singing. She has such a beautiful voice. She is the shyest girl yet she looked the most comfortable up on stage.

This year I really tried to encourage her to be active in the chore, which she did. I have been so proud of her giving up her lunch break to practice with the chore (mind you, she is only 7).

She has said she wants to be a singer and I want her to follow her dream, being supportive in her endeavour will hopefully help her take one step closer to her dream.

Devastated.

This morning I had a phone call from a friend of mine it was nice to hear from someone, I don’t let a lot of people in on my life or my health, but she has been a friend for more than 30years.

It’s nice to do a good catch up, as we don’t usually talk much as life gets in the way, but we make sure to check in with a message saying “I love you” or “I miss you” every week and a phone call once a month.

She is a friend you can say anything too and feel comfortable with, well that’s what I thought. I’m so devastated. I never thought telling her something she would make fun of me for.

She asked me about my health and I had explained to her about my new condition CVG (Cutis Verticis Gyrata) and she had explained that she used to make fun of a boy in school with a scalp like mine, I said to her that’s really mean. She continued to say it was funny, I stated it’s not funny, your really mean.

Near the end of the conversation she thought it would be funny to call me the same things she use to call the boy in her school. I feel so heartbroken how can people be so cruel. I feel terrible having the condition in the first place, without people making fun of me especially the one you are meant to trust.

What do you do when people make fun?

Don’t Regret What You Didn’t Do.

I think about what I have accomplished in my life and I really haven’t accomplished a lot.

I didn’t get my dream job due to being hurt, which now keeps me from ever returning to a job again. I haven’t been able to buy my own home, as buying your own home entails you to have a steady income and saving which is something, unfortunately, I am unable to do/have.

I always wanted to travel, but have been unable to also do due to being too sick for the last 10years.

I also spent the most part of my life listening to others rather than listening to my heart. I also put others before myself.

This has eventually lead to my accomplishments being forgotten or put on the back burner. Now I sit and think about where I am and it disappointments me

I’m almost 40 and I have achieved what I set out to achieve, so I’m making it my task to make sure my girls don’t make the same mistakes and they follow their dreams.

And if you have any dreams make sure you don’t put them off because one day you will regret what you didn’t do.

Emotionless.

I have a million things going on in my head that sometimes it’s so hard to express. When I try to write it out it all comes out as a puzzle of words you need to put together.

Most of the time I never know how I feel because I am emotionless. When I’m asked to explain I can never find the words to express the way I feel. Writing my feelings are just as hard.

Every day I try to get out at least of feeling I feel, but it becomes impossible to do. I think over time you lose the way to express emotions when you try to express them, but they are unheard.

Emotions are a key part of expressing how you feeling. When they are unheard you become numb to them.

The Thought Of Failure

Over the last week I have been preparing for an house inspection these are my worst nightmares.

I struggle with mess and what I mean by this is I can become frustrated at the look of mess on the best of days, so having people come through my house, well, that’s another story.

I can become very OCD to the point that I will repeat what has been done multiple times and still not be happy. I get so angry and frustrated with myself for it not being perfect.

I struggle enough with myself when I don’t have a house inspection, but doing a house inspection becomes the reality of hating myself for not doing it right.

The worse feeling is the feeling of failure, yes I know it’s only an inspection, but it’s more than just that, I don’t cope well with judgment. I also don’t like to disappoint people, so there’s a lot I have going on in my mind to accomplish to be a peace.