A Decision Made For Me.

I wanted to write this post and let you in on a decision I chose to do, which is one I don’t regret, but I can tell you was one that was defiantly difficult to make. This decision was to keep my parents in my life or let them go. This is how I decided.

All my life I have been subjected to mental abuse by my mother. She is someone who doesn’t except her wrongdoings. Growing up was difficult as I felt like I was a waste of space.

I had two siblings, but when I was 6 my sister was sent to foster care, I never knew why she left. We weren’t told, just every now and again taken to this strangers place to see her. I don’t know how I felt then because it is all a big blur.

I remember so many people coming in and out of our house, but I felt so alone. My parents always looked good to people on the outside, but people didn’t see what they were doing to their own child.

My brother was the golden child he got everything he wanted, while I got household gifts for my 16th birthday. Was that a hint. Well not long after that I was kicked out of home, but only allowed to take my clothes.

All my life I tried to tell my parents, well especially my mum what she was doing and how much I was hurting. All she kept saying was “I didn’t mean for you to feel that way”. Then she would stop talking to me for months on end because I expressed my feelings.

There were so many bad events that happened during my childhood that she was never there for how do you not know you daughter is being molested when you are the one that walks in to the room with him in there with no light on, or she laughed about her 7-year-old daughter being chased by 5 guys with guns just because she was running with her dog and they heard gunfire, this still tortures me now. I begged her to listen to me, but with no prevail.

The last time I tried I emailed her the biggest email about everything that hurt me and I wished she had been there for, to only get back the nastiest email back calling me a “lying piece of shit”. “I’m the one that needs to wake up and come back to reality”, “I’m the problem” and “When I’m ready to wake up and smell the coffee”. Then I can “Call her again”. So I knew it was the end of our relationship.

I needed this, I know I’m not in the wrong this was the choice that was made by her not to want to fix or except things, and that’s OK. I’m happy with the decision that was made, but it took along time to get to this a lot of pain and suffering, but I’m free now.

You can’t make people love you even if they are your parents, but you can decide what’s best for you and your happiness in the long run.

25 Replies to “A Decision Made For Me.”

    1. It’s not about teaching them they just made my decision easier. At the end of the day you know when enough is enough.

      1. thank you so much for writing this i cried reading it. I cried because it is so similar to my own story and I made the decision at the beginning of this year to finally end contact with my parents. Hardest thing I have ever done and like you said I inked it is better for me in the long run. My heart really goes out to you stay strong ❤️

        1. I’m sorry you had to go through the same, it is the hardest decision to do, but it is the best and only option we have in the end. Thank you for sharing your story with me ❤️ I send you all my best and hope your future is better xxx

  1. I grew up in home of familial sexual abuse, and even more emotional abuse. I tried to right all the wrongs between us by accepting blame, trying to prove I could be a better daughter. I got return letters like you whenever I tried (with the advice of counselors) to ask them to accept responsibility. At 25, I decided to divorce myself from them. They didn’t care. We have to remove toxic people from our lives. It’s not easy when it’s our parents. But sometimes, it’s necessary in order to move forward. You are brave. I applaud you. ?

    1. I’m sorry you went through that, I hope your live is better now. The emails was the advice of the counselor too, that’s what I needed in the end, but it’s not easy sometimes when you hear people complaining about mums just because they cleaned their house or something so silly it makes me feel angry if you know what I mean. I just got rolled a bad dice. Thank you it’s nice to know there are others out there xxx

  2. I’m so sorry. Sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough. From your words, she’s always going to make herself out to be the innocent victim at worst, and bystander at best. I’m sorry that you’ll never have a healthy relationship with your mom. But at least you understand that it will never be healthy or normal. I wish you the best in your healing, and I hope you have a good support network around you.

  3. My father was pretty rough toward me growing up. In my case, I thought it was important to try and forgive him before he died. I have mostly been able to do that.

    1. I’m happy you have been able to do that. I have tried everything with my parents multiple times I forgave them, they walk away every time how can you keep forgiving when they keep walking away?

      1. I don’t know. It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that my dad started to come around. He never said he was sorry, but his last words to me were “I love you.”

        1. I’m so glad you got that with your dad. I don’t know what will happen in the future but for now time needs healing ?

  4. I forgave for myself. But I don’t tell people I forgive them unless they ASK. Thankfully I did come to some type of peace about my mom before she died. I kept my distance, but I could be in the same room with her. Also, I never expected an apology. When she died I wasn’t that sad, more worried my mental illness would mimic hers. I became really dedicated to being mentally healthy.

    1. Thank you for your reply ? I’m so glad you got your peace in the end. I think this is where I am in my life now, and what I may do in the end too. Well done to you for thinking of your mental health first because it takes a lot to do. ❤️

  5. also i have detachment disorder, i only found out a couple months ago. So i tend to give up on folks really fast unless its family. I can’t handle people . its rare for me to form any bonds at all with adults. I did have to stop talking to my son and his wife b/c they don’t treat me well and its bad for my mental health. Many people can put up with human behavior i can’t. I’ve accepted that instead of trying to be like others. I would keep your distance from mom but if you can find neutral ground it will help your healing. But, it will never be like it should be or how you want it.

    1. I’m sorry to here that❤️ I have learnt and come to terms that my mum will never change, and I’m ok with that I feel at ease now. Thank you for sharing your story with me ❤️

      1. I’m so glad I’m sorry if I sound like miss advice person. I’m sharing my experience . I’m really happy you are at peace ! I totally agree taking care of mental health is well put, i don’t believe people really understand its a lot of work hoidy hoi ha!;}

        1. Don’t be sorry I like hearing about others experiences, ? everyone’s experiences are different and the advice is different because their outcomes were different or the circumstances are different it’s nice to read everyone’s out takes on the subject ? some people don’t understand how hard it is to deal with and this is why i share my life ?

Leave a Reply