I wanted to write this post and let you in on a decision I chose to do, which is one I don’t regret, but I can tell you was one that was defiantly difficult to make. This decision was to keep my parents in my life or let them go. This is how I decided.
All my life I have been subjected to mental abuse by my mother. She is someone who doesn’t except her wrongdoings. Growing up was difficult as I felt like I was a waste of space.
I had two siblings, but when I was 6 my sister was sent to foster care, I never knew why she left. We weren’t told, just every now and again taken to this strangers place to see her. I don’t know how I felt then because it is all a big blur.
I remember so many people coming in and out of our house, but I felt so alone. My parents always looked good to people on the outside, but people didn’t see what they were doing to their own child.
My brother was the golden child he got everything he wanted, while I got household gifts for my 16th birthday. Was that a hint. Well not long after that I was kicked out of home, but only allowed to take my clothes.
All my life I tried to tell my parents, well especially my mum what she was doing and how much I was hurting. All she kept saying was “I didn’t mean for you to feel that way”. Then she would stop talking to me for months on end because I expressed my feelings.
There were so many bad events that happened during my childhood that she was never there for how do you not know you daughter is being molested when you are the one that walks in to the room with him in there with no light on, or she laughed about her 7-year-old daughter being chased by 5 guys with guns just because she was running with her dog and they heard gunfire, this still tortures me now. I begged her to listen to me, but with no prevail.
The last time I tried I emailed her the biggest email about everything that hurt me and I wished she had been there for, to only get back the nastiest email back calling me a “lying piece of shit”. “I’m the one that needs to wake up and come back to reality”, “I’m the problem” and “When I’m ready to wake up and smell the coffee”. Then I can “Call her again”. So I knew it was the end of our relationship.
I needed this, I know I’m not in the wrong this was the choice that was made by her not to want to fix or except things, and that’s OK. I’m happy with the decision that was made, but it took along time to get to this a lot of pain and suffering, but I’m free now.
You can’t make people love you even if they are your parents, but you can decide what’s best for you and your happiness in the long run.