When I was 21 I got married for the first time this marriage was violent which I have gone through in a previous blog, but I wanted to share how being in a relationship like this has made me be to my children after being in a marriage like that.
What I mean by that is, I am so much more protective over my children, I find it difficult to stand by and let people hurt them. This then plays havoc on my mental health.
After going through this marriage it made me struggle to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t protect my child from the violence her father inflicted on her. Something I will forever live with, but I protect my children from people who inflict pain or hurt now.
It opens your eyes to what’s important, but the guilt you carry is incredible. I know that we make choices in our lives that lead us to either a good or bad path and we have to live them life choices. As I have heard many times we make the choice at the time believing it was the right choice at the time, but you do carry the guilt.
Changing who I am to protect who I love has come from the choices I have made wrong, and not having people protect me makes me do it even more. I know I didn’t make the choice to be in the situation, but I still blame myself for staying too long, but I’m so grateful I got out.
What’s your thoughts? Can you protect too much?