People see with their eyes, which makes living with Mental Illness and Chronic Pain so hard. People don’t see the pain we carry on the inside, the struggles, the anxiety. The constant battles with ourselves. From the fights we have with ourselves over getting up, to how hard it was getting ourselves out of the house. To now fighting to keep ourselves out long enough to get things done, before not being able to stay out anymore because your getting so over welcomed, that you need to be back in the comfort of your own home. This is my reality every day, and many just like me. this is why I want people to understand, just because you can’t see something on the outside doesn’t mean something isn’t going on, on the inside. A simple are you OK is all that is needed, and never judge a book by it’s cover.
The emotionless feeling you get when you “don’t know how you feel”, or “why you feel the way you do”. When you can’t be any emotion, and you can’t express the feeling, but just feel all numb. These days aren’t my favourite, as they can’t be explained, you just need to be comforted. These are the days you need the support from loved ones, no questions, just a shoulder and a bit of love.
Today I wanted to share a difficult task. The difficult task of getting out of bed, the difficult task of getting in the shower, the difficult task of getting dressed, going out, or it may be as simple as making a phone call, that can be the biggest challenge of your life.
For me there are many tasks that are difficult they are having a shower, it’s not that I don’t want one, for me it’s painful to have one and it makes me sick, so the thought of how I will feel when I’m in there and after stops me from getting in.
My biggest and the worse task is phone calls, I struggle to overcome this. I cannot answer the phone unless I know who it is, even then sometimes if I don’t feel like talking I won’t answer. I also struggle to make phone calls, due to fear of people.
Over time I have put in some different strategies together to help me cope, these are by having appointments texted messaged, emailed or a message left on my message bank. Having my husband make the phone call for me helps by not getting myself all worked up. If I’m having the difficult time of not being able to get in the shower, I just push myself to get dressed, at least to have accomplished one of my tasks I don’t feel like I have failed.
Everyone impossible tasks are different, the challenge to complete these tasks are extremely hard, and frustrating and one of the worse parts to MH.
Just remember, if you get up you have achieved one accomplishment for the day and be proud of your self for that.
My story begins as a child when I was taken advantage of by someone who was brought into my family home. That was the start of my life changing forever. The trust you have in people goes, the fear of people comes, not understanding what has happened, but knowing it’s not right. The “do you tell” or “not to tell”. All the questions, but not knowing the answers. Back then I didn’t think I could talk to anyone, I wish I could have, but there was so much going on that made me not talk. This is the reason I want to share my story so people are more a where of who is around and how they communicate with their families.
Let me introduce myself to you: My name is Jen, I am a wife and mother of two. I am here to tell my story of life behind my smile. Here’s my story: I suffer with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Chronic pain. Life is not always as it seems, some days are harder than others, but taking one day at a time is the best for me. I have decided to share my story in the hope of helping others, to let them know they are not alone, I know its not easy, but life is precious. Life for me hasn’t been an easy one, I have been through a lot in my life, this includes physical and mental abuse. There are going to be lot’s of ups and downs and lot’s of very personal details and heartache shared, but I hope you will come follow me on my journey and hopefully I can help you., keep strong, smile, and keep one foot in front of another.
This is where my story begins.