This week has been extremely hard for me, I have tried to find ways to refocus my mind, but it’s been one thing that has been hard to do.
You know when you get news you don’t want to hear, your mind takes over your thought process.
I try to tell myself don’t think about, or just wait and see, but it’s easier said than done.
I finally went and had my scan they have wanted me to do. The one thing I was trying so hard not to do out of fear of hearing news I didn’t want to hear.
Well I got the news I didn’t want to hear, I have not one, but two lumps in my neck they still don’t know what they are, but are in need of removing.
I’m scared out of my brain, and my brain is running one hundred miles an hour, thinking of everything. It’s even worse when they don’t know what it is unless they remove them.
The risks are so high as every surgery, but leaving them there can be higher.
Everyone says don’t think about it, or don’t stress, but how do you tell your mind that. It’s a part of who we are.
The next step is the one I have to stay strong for, keep positive and push through.
Here’s to the next step.
So I wanted to share a beautiful moment I will forever treasure, a moment many don’t get to be blessed to see.
At this time of the year it is migration time for our beautiful creatures of the deep, and I was lucky enough to share this experience with my kids while having some down time at the beach.
So I thought I would share my beautiful experience with you all, this video can’t explain the overwhelming feeling you feel when you see these wild animals doing what they do best, but I sure hope you can at least see how these beautiful animals enjoy their freedom.
These are the most majestic animals of the deep blue sea.
Today was such a special day. Today I watched a boy turn into a man, he who I once watched riding his bike acting like a complete sausage. To watching him Graduate year 12.
I couldn’t be anymore proud of this boy, he has been through more than any child should in a lifetime.
Unfortunately we lost his mum to DV just over three years ago, every day has been a struggle for him, but even through all the pain and sorrow he came through it all and graduated.
His mum would’ve been so proud of him. He proved no matter what you go through big or small you can accomplish anything you put your mind too.
I couldn’t be more proud.
You know when you have to have test done, but your anxieties get in the way, that has become my dilemma.
It all started a couple of weeks ago while I had a CT scan. The CT scan was checking my head, while doing that they picked up a lump near my jaw.
They are unsure what it is or why it’s there they think it my be a lymph nodes, so they have ask for more scans.
Here’s where my dilemma comes in.
Every time I go to make the appointment to have the scan done my anxiety goes through the roof and I can’t push myself to make the appointment.
Yes, I know I need to get it checked, but the fear in me out way the need to check. I have truly had enough. Every time I go to a doctor the add a new condition to my list and I couldn’t bear anymore.
Anxiety is a powerful thing and can control what you do, it impacts the most important choices in your life. I know the right choices, but struggle to fight the fear.
It took me along time to come to terms that something wasn’t right with me mentally. I never knew why I felt the way I did.
I was ashamed to go and see a doctor to talk about feeling like I did, but I am sure glad I did.
So many people out there are so afraid of opening themselves to their emotions or don’t want to except that there is something wrong.
I know exactly how that feels, I was in the same situation, but once your ready to open your door, you will take the first step in the right direction.
Life isn’t easy, but it’s the start of a new beginning.
These last few days I have had some much needed R & R and boy did I need this.
I have spent the most part of my life living with Mental illness.
Over the years I have spent many days trying to learn how to cope with the ups and downs you go through.
My word it’s hard, there are so many ups and downs that you endure on your journey, but it’s apart of living with these conditions.
There is no cure for what we have, but pure strength and willpower. Every day is a learning curve, but it’s definitely a fight worth fighting.
I will never sit here and tell anyone it’s easy because it’s far from that. I can never tell you that you will be cured, but I will tell you it does get better with practice.
I am just like everyone suffering, I too have bad days, but I’m still here fighting the same battle I did back then, but it’s ok and I’m ok with that.
This is what makes me ME. Except who you are and you will be ok.
Some parents hate the thought of school holidays, but I pine for these times. I miss the kids when they are not around.
They give me the reason to keep moving every day. They bring me back to my childhood the one I missed.
With the I can be myself, the more goofy I am the happier they are. They keep me feeling young and full of life.
For those parents who dread these times of the year the miss the best time of your life, and your kids definitely miss it.
Can’t wait to next week for the school holidays to start. Bring on the goofing around.
I find myself waking up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck, every muscle in my body was sore. I must have had one of those nights when you toss and turn so much as though you had been fighting your night away.
I have spent years learning to not let things bother me and stand up for myself. Why I have let things get to me is not like me.
I kick myself for letting others bother me. I need to follow my heart and what I believe in.
Over the last week I have been finding it really hard to push through. When I get like this I do things that make me happy to push me through, but I can’t seem to get past one thing.
I know that I shouldn’t let things get on top of me as it just makes my mind take over, but sometimes no matter how hard you try some just play on your mind longer than others.