You know when you need to be strong for others, but inside your fighting so hard to keep your own demons at bay. That’s exactly how I feel.
I’m trying so hard to stay strong for others around me, but I can feel myself falling apart at the seems.
How do you tell people that you aren’t coping when your their only support?
This world can be so cruel. Sometimes it’s easier to walk away, and or shut yourself up. But who does it help in the end?
Got to keep fighting, one foot in front of another.
Depression can be a viscous circle. You work so hard to keep your head out of the deep dark hole, to keep those demons at bay. Yet it takes one thing to trigger our thoughts and emotions.
You learn over time how to not let everything get to you or at least trigger your emotions off, but there become points in time where there are an overwhelming amount of different things happening all at once.
When these times happen it sends us into this painful spiral of emotions that you can’t control. You become so numb to the world, because the emotions are so overwhelming.
You can’t concentrate, you can’t think, you don’t know how to feel. You have these thoughts in your head of what the point of fighting is.
You know that it’s all because things have become too much to take in, but the constant fights become harder and harder even though you know how to fight.
It’s not easy fighting the endless battle, but this is the life of depression.
Today is a day I dread, but I know I need and that’s therapy. I dread this day as I have to relive past events I don’t want to remember, but in the need to understand and move forward in my life. I need to go.
I need to overcome past events. But doing this meaning mentally and emotionally it drains me and takes the next day or two of down days, but I know this is what I need because I have learnt to gain strength and understanding from my past to move forward and make the choices I have .
For so many years I have suffered in silence, but that lead me nowhere but in the biggest hole of my life, I knew I had to get help, but that hasn’t been easy to find. I have been through five different therapists before I found one I could work with, but even then it took me 3 months to open up, but they have been the most patient and understanding which has made it most helpful.
There are good therapists out there. Follow your gut, if you don’t like one move to the next. You need to find one you feel right with. It makes healing easier. Don’t suffer in silence.
When I talk about seeking help/support this is a hard subject to talk about as it is one that is hard to receive. People always say “You need help” or “You need to talk to someone”. This is all well and good for someone on the outside to say, but it’s not that easy to do.
Firstly you have to acknowledge you need help. Secondly, you need support from people, not negativity. and Thirdly finding good help is the hardest thing to do. They say there is a lot of support and help out there, but when you need it, it doesn’t seem to be there.
I have been to many Psychologist over the years, some very unhelpful, judgement and very critical people. That makes you lose trust and faith in people. They are supposed to be there for you to help/support you at your lowest, and yet they seem to judge you. I have seen some who tell me to stop living in the past, I had some tell me to get over it, seriously do they think I like having PTSD, depression and social anxiety. My past is the reason I have what I have, you can’t just get over it, I wish I could, but it doesn’t work like that.
There really needs to be better supports out there, a better understanding of what we go through. Better training not just for a therapist, but doctors, family, friends, employers. Making environments less stressful for people is a start.
What do you feel would make it easier for people with Mental Illness? How could you help others understand more? What training do you think could be put in place to help the changes?