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Stop Walking Away.

Hope everyone is doing OK.

I spent years trying to get better with no prevail, I lose hope in ever finding a way to get better when Doctors and Specialist throw their hands up and walk away when things get too hard.

I have spent the last 6 years trying to get answers to my condition with no luck. I just get Specialists using me as a guinea pig, trial medication after trial medication, then it’s “sorry we have no curer.” Well OK then, umm thanks. It’s not nice to be made to feel like that, you just want answers to why you are sick.

Yesterday I took a huge blow with my pain specialist even stepping back and saying she could no longer help. That hit me for a sixer, she also stated physio would be of no help either, so she cancelled all my physio appointments. The one person I didn’t see turning their back on me just did.

When you spend years working with someone you don’t expect them to just give up knowing what you have been through. It makes you feel like giving up too. When things get too hard for people they just walk, I wish it was that easy for me. Instead of walking away maybe they should put themselves in my shoes for one day.

The fight will continue, just hope one day I will find the answers I am looking for.

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My Day.

Hope everyone is doing OK.

Today I thought I might share what I do when I’m at home. Most people I talk to just assume I sit around all day doing nothing, so I thought I would give an insight into what I do.

Every day is different, apart from taking my children to school and picking them up. Yes, I take my children to school every day, I never miss a day. I usually get started with the morning coffee, blog, and catch up on other blog posts.

I will put on a load of washing if the machine is full. Stack the dishwasher, clean up from breakfast. I’m not keen on a dirty house.

I love to do arts and crafts, so I can get stuck into this most days to keep me busy. I like to make keyrings and phone cases from resin. (Keyrings I have made pictured below)

I also love to draw which is something I do when I can’t manage to get up, and my migraines aren’t so bad. I do miss doing this activity as my migraines do stop me from doing this one.

I don’t like to sit around doing nothing, I try to keep as busy as possible. I try to keep my mind active and my body moving as much as possible. I only do as I can and when I can. It’s important to keep your body moving.

Hope you enjoyed reading.

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I shouldn’t Apologise For Having a MHC.

One thing I have understood over time is that having a Mental Health Condition has taught me, is that people expect you to apologize for your behaviour. What I mean by this is that if you don’t act a certain way you feel you are obligated to apologize for your so-called behaviour.

When I say this I talk about the way we talk or our body language. I always get questions like “are you OK?” if I’m not smiling, or “what’s wrong?” if I’m not up to talking. Honestly, there may not be anything wrong it could be just tired or I don’t know what to talk about.

Sometimes conversations are hard for me to have because I can’t express how I feel, so I can come across quite blunt. People then take me the wrong way. I feel like I have to be someone I’m not to make people happy.

Yes, I have a Mental Health condition, but that shouldn’t make people dictate who I have to be. If I don’t look a certain way it doesn’t mean I’m depressed. If I don’t talk to you and I only answer with one word it doesn’t mean I’m angry or having a bad day, it could be I’m shy and I’m not sure what to say.

Just because someone has a mental illness doesn’t mean they need to be criticised for having the wrong emotions, we are just as human as the next.

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The Waiting Game.

Hope everyone is doing OK.

Over the last few months, my health has taken a turn for the worse. Here’s what’s been happening:

  • I have been struggling with my migraines, my medications don’t seem to calm them down. Nothing seems to be able to settle them.
  • I was also recently diagnosed with Tinnitus (which is ringing in the ears), but they are unable to explain where they come from as my hearing is normal. The Tinnitus does effect me hearing certain pitches, which is very frustrating.
  • My eyesight has become a lot worse. The optometrist cannot explain what is wrong with it even after a field test.
  • I also have a left facial droop which is becoming worse, my cheek has become sunken and has minimal movement.
  • I also tilt to the left side.

I have expressed these changes to my GP for the last few months, but they just blame my Mental Health for the issues instead of looking at the changes. After getting my eyes tested and my ears checked and diagnosed the Doctor listened and finally ordered MRI scans to see if they can find anything. Now it’s time to wait. Here’s hoping there’s nothing sinister.

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My Fun Place

Hope everyone is doing OK.

Yesterday I decided to have a day with the family for a day of fun. So the best place I decided to go was the best place I know we can have fun and all be kids including me. Also a place I feel like I can just be anyone and not be judged.

This place is Warner Bros Movie World. My favourite place to have fun along with my favourite Looney Tunes. These are characters I grew up watching. To spend the day with them makes me feel like a kid when you have no worries, no stress, no anxieties.

Watching my children have just as much fun with them as I do makes me happy. Just taking one day out makes a world of difference. It’s a big push for me to get out of the house, but I know it’s worth it in the end.

When I’m struggling with my mind I always try my favourite place to get myself better, or my family I love to make me happy. These things are important to do, these are what keep us here. If you feel low think of your favourite place, music, or people and do something with either one of them that makes you happy.

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Tips Time

How is everyone doing? If your doing good awesome, if your not then that’s OK because your not alone, I’m not doing the best either and that’s OK. We all have these days or sometimes these weeks if your like me, but I’m trying to get there.

I thought I would let you in on some ideas of mine that I have done to keep my mind from spiralling further and these are:

  • Relaxing – taking time for you is important.
  • Listening to music
  • Watching movies
  • Drawing
  • Taking a walk / Drive (fresh air does the world of good)
  • Go to the beach
  • Alone time – if that’s what you like.

I also booked to see my Physio as my pain has become unbearable as needs some relief from that. I also booked to see Doctor. These are things I have chosen to do as I know as I need my pain controlled more and my health has deteriorated and need medical intervention can’t seem to shrug this flu. Usually, these tips and tricks work with a few days of fun with the family. Hopefully, things will pick up soon.

Hope these tips will help. If you have any you would like to share I would love to hear them.

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BAM it Hit.

You never want to admit when you know your mental health isn’t coping, but it’s become my reality. This is the reality of Mental Health, it just hits you. We fight so hard to keep our heads up out of the water, and BAM it hits you like a tonne of bricks.

Even to the best of us, we lapse, but I want you all to understand the reality of Mental Health for all it is. I have always tried to stick true to who I am, even on the bad days. Mental Health is one of the hardest conditions to live with, relapsing is something we do on occasions, usually brought on by triggers.

My Mental Health has just been pushed to its limits, it started off with a trigger, then stress, then my health. All combine pushed it too far. You get to the stage where you feel numb, frustrated, angry, alone, like you can’t talk to anyone. Like there’s no point. You know it’s only your mind doing it as it can’t cope with anymore.

This is the time when people with Mental Health need the most help, they need time out. They need to get what’s inside out. They need absolutely NO STRESS. It’s important to never turn your back at the time. Remember it’s not them it’s their minds acting out.

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BLOGGER RECOGNITION AWARD – FIRST TIMER :)

blogger-recognition-award

The Blogger Recognition Award is an online award given by bloggers to other bloggers as a way to recognize the efforts they put into their site.

Award rules:

  • Thank the nominator, and publish a post on your blog about receiving the Blogger Recognition Award. Make sure to provide a link to the nominator’s blog in your post.
  • Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  • Nominate 10-15 other bloggers for this award, and inform them of their nomination.

Thank you so much Wifeblah!!

I am humbled getting this recognition from an awesome writer wifeblah. She is my ray of sunshine. I am so grateful to have found her, she gives me the strength to keep writing. If you have not been following her yet, you are missing something. go ahead and follow her. ( http://wifeblah.com/)

Brief History How I started Blogging

I started blogging in March 2019, so I’m a new blogger, I decided to blog after losing a special person in my life for reasons that should never have occurred. I decided I couldn’t sit around watching people die, so I wrote this blog to fight the battle to open the world’s to Mental Illness in hope of saving lives.

Two Pieces of Advice to New Bloggers

I don’t think I should be the one giving advice as I’m new to blogging, but all I know is what I do and that is: Just be yourself.

1. Be passionate.

2. Be true to yourself.

I nominate the following:

You see the award is given to bloggers to recognize their efforts. So here are the list of bloggers I know that are devoting time, effort, and passion to their blogs:

If you already did this tag you don’t have to do this again, but still, I would like to list you here because I can see and appreciate the hard work you are doing with your blog.

  • http://scarpoe.wordpress.com/
  • http://psychw0rdhome.wordpress.com/
  • http://crazylittlethings.site/
  • http://emergingfromthedarknight.wordpress.com/
  • http://therapybits.wordpress.com/
  • http://wifeblah.com/
  • http://musingsofmandysmith.wordpress.com/
  • https://clivewebb65.blog/
  • http://easydietdotblog.wordpress.com/
  • http://aspiringfuneraldirector.com/
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Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back.

This week has been a struggle week, I try to keep my head above board, but sometimes it’s not that easy. I’m just mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Sometimes I feel like I take three steps forward two steps back, but I know it’s all the part of the fight.

I have tried so hard to keep my head straight after an email from my ex-husband, but that was my trigger to start my fight the last two weeks. He frustrates me so much. Why does he find the need to interrupt my life? Oh, that’s right he thinks now my daughter is 18 he can just come back. He hasn’t been there in years, no Christmas, Easter, or Birthdays. He signed over his rights not to be her dad when she was just 8, then decided, I want her now when she was 12, took me through court for a year, till his then-girlfriend fell pregnant. Then it was I don’t need her anymore, so you can have her again signed, SEE YA. Thanks.

The frustration, but the interruption is mind-blowing. The feelings, all the built up emotions. My mental health goes crazy, which then entails my health and chronic pain to get worse because I’m all tense. Now I have come down with the flu. My immune system fails me when I’m like this that’s why I end up sick.

I think it’s time to do some relaxation, rest, and healthy eating to get me on the mend. Just one trigger can spiral the mind and health out of control so rapidly. This is why it’s important to keep ourselves healthy and in a safe place.

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The Stigma Needs To Stop!

In writing this blog I write this in the hope of getting the word out there of how people like me who suffer should never need to feel ashamed of who we are, or hide who they are. If we open up or talk to people we should never be judged for doing so. We are just as human as the next, we bleed the same blood, we didn’t ask for this life, we deserve the same treatment as any other person.

I say this due to the judgement made by many we come in contact with and it needs to stop. On many occasions I have been judged by Psychologist for what they call dwelling on the past, I’m sorry my past is what caused my Mental Health Conditions. I don’t need to be judged, I come to you for help to heel from my past. Or being reported to the authorities for having a bad day. We come to health professionals for help, not judgement.

You go to the GP’s for medical issues, but they blame it on your Mental Health, WHY? Why is it always an issue, why is it always the first excuse for your health?

People call a helpline and get judgement, these people aren’t meant to pass judgement they are there to listen. People ring suicide lines and can be told they are being selfish, who does that, and they wonder why there are so many suicides out there.

Then we come to Medication, Well that’s another thing, sometimes they don’t check up to see how it’s working, The costs in paying for medication can be too much for some, so some may not get their medications, or they don’t give the correct medications or do the wrong treatment.

Psychologist/Counsellor appointments can be quite costly. For some of us, weekly visits or more are a necessity which can be very expensive which doesn’t help us trying to recover. Even having to go to any appointments for most people is almost impossible as money is almost never possible.

There are so many things out there that prevent us from getting the correct help and care, we deserve so much. So many of us lose our lives just fighting to keep alive. The Mental Health System needs to change, Psychologist/Counsellors need to change the way they talk to clients, and Doctors need to stop, think and listen to their patients and make sure to follow up.

In the end, the stigmas need to change. We have the rights just like anyone else. Lives need to be saved not lost.

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