These last few days I have had some much needed R & R and boy did I need this.
I have spent the most part of my life living with Mental illness.
Over the years I have spent many days trying to learn how to cope with the ups and downs you go through.
My word it’s hard, there are so many ups and downs that you endure on your journey, but it’s apart of living with these conditions.
There is no cure for what we have, but pure strength and willpower. Every day is a learning curve, but it’s definitely a fight worth fighting.
I will never sit here and tell anyone it’s easy because it’s far from that. I can never tell you that you will be cured, but I will tell you it does get better with practice.
I am just like everyone suffering, I too have bad days, but I’m still here fighting the same battle I did back then, but it’s ok and I’m ok with that.
This is what makes me ME. Except who you are and you will be ok.
I have a million things going on in my head that sometimes it’s so hard to express. When I try to write it out it all comes out as a puzzle of words you need to put together.
Most of the time I never know how I feel because I am emotionless. When I’m asked to explain I can never find the words to express the way I feel. Writing my feelings are just as hard.
Every day I try to get out at least of feeling I feel, but it becomes impossible to do. I think over time you lose the way to express emotions when you try to express them, but they are unheard.
Emotions are a key part of expressing how you feeling. When they are unheard you become numb to them.
I hope everyone is doing OK.
Over the last week mentally I have been struggling, not only with my new diagnosis but just in general. Between going to doctors appointments and life, I have just hit a brick wall. When I get this point in my life I hit struggle street, what do I mean by struggle you ask.
Well, when I talk about a struggle, I talk about tasks. These tasks are near impossible to do, without a struggle. I fight my inner demons to do the simplest of tasks. if I don’t complete these tasks my inner demon becomes worse and I feel like it’s defeated me.
I still don’t understand why these tasks are so hard to accomplish when I’m in my hour of need. Why my mind feels the need to make me feel even worse than I already do, but it’s just the way the mind works.
I thought I would share some of my impossible tasks with you all so here we go:
- brushing my teeth
- brushing my hair
- answering the phone
- getting out of bed
- getting dressed
Tasks like these are everyday tasks, but for someone like me when I’m at my lowest become the hardest tasks of my life. No matter how much you know you need to do it it’s just not possible to do. Unfortunately, this is part of my illness, but I wanted to share my struggle.