Staying Strong For Others

You know when you need to be strong for others, but inside your fighting so hard to keep your own demons at bay. That’s exactly how I feel.

I’m trying so hard to stay strong for others around me, but I can feel myself falling apart at the seems.

How do you tell people that you aren’t coping when your their only support?

This world can be so cruel. Sometimes it’s easier to walk away, and or shut yourself up. But who does it help in the end?

Got to keep fighting, one foot in front of another.

The Endless Fight With Depression

Depression can be a viscous circle. You work so hard to keep your head out of the deep dark hole, to keep those demons at bay. Yet it takes one thing to trigger our thoughts and emotions.

You learn over time how to not let everything get to you or at least trigger your emotions off, but there become points in time where there are an overwhelming amount of different things happening all at once.

When these times happen it sends us into this painful spiral of emotions that you can’t control. You become so numb to the world, because the emotions are so overwhelming.

You can’t concentrate, you can’t think, you don’t know how to feel. You have these thoughts in your head of what the point of fighting is.

You know that it’s all because things have become too much to take in, but the constant fights become harder and harder even though you know how to fight.

It’s not easy fighting the endless battle, but this is the life of depression.

Anxiety

Anxiety is that mechanism is your brain called fear, but amplified 100 times more.

It’s that fear of judgement the moment you leave your house wondering if your going to have to talk to people you don’t know or see someone you don’t want to see.

The constant fear of the what if’s, what if this happens or what if that happens that consumes you whole.

The constant fear of having to face people wandering if they are looking at you because of the way you look or wandering if they are talking about you.

No matter how hard you try to ignore the fear it finds it way to consume you.

This is what anxiety feels like to me.

A Little Treasure From The Deep

So I wanted to share a beautiful moment I will forever treasure, a moment many don’t get to be blessed to see.

At this time of the year it is migration time for our beautiful creatures of the deep, and I was lucky enough to share this experience with my kids while having some down time at the beach.

So I thought I would share my beautiful experience with you all, this video can’t explain the overwhelming feeling you feel when you see these wild animals doing what they do best, but I sure hope you can at least see how these beautiful animals enjoy their freedom.

These are the most majestic animals of the deep blue sea.

So Proud

Today was such a special day. Today I watched a boy turn into a man, he who I once watched riding his bike acting like a complete sausage. To watching him Graduate year 12.

I couldn’t be anymore proud of this boy, he has been through more than any child should in a lifetime.

Unfortunately we lost his mum to DV just over three years ago, every day has been a struggle for him, but even through all the pain and sorrow he came through it all and graduated.

His mum would’ve been so proud of him. He proved no matter what you go through big or small you can accomplish anything you put your mind too.

I couldn’t be more proud.

Struggle To Fight The Anxiety

You know when you have to have test done, but your anxieties get in the way, that has become my dilemma.

It all started a couple of weeks ago while I had a CT scan. The CT scan was checking my head, while doing that they picked up a lump near my jaw.

They are unsure what it is or why it’s there they think it my be a lymph nodes, so they have ask for more scans.

Here’s where my dilemma comes in.

Every time I go to make the appointment to have the scan done my anxiety goes through the roof and I can’t push myself to make the appointment.

Yes, I know I need to get it checked, but the fear in me out way the need to check. I have truly had enough. Every time I go to a doctor the add a new condition to my list and I couldn’t bear anymore.

Anxiety is a powerful thing and can control what you do, it impacts the most important choices in your life. I know the right choices, but struggle to fight the fear.

You Too Will Be OK

These last few days I have had some much needed R & R and boy did I need this.

I have spent the most part of my life living with Mental illness.

Over the years I have spent many days trying to learn how to cope with the ups and downs you go through.

My word it’s hard, there are so many ups and downs that you endure on your journey, but it’s apart of living with these conditions.

There is no cure for what we have, but pure strength and willpower. Every day is a learning curve, but it’s definitely a fight worth fighting.

I will never sit here and tell anyone it’s easy because it’s far from that. I can never tell you that you will be cured, but I will tell you it does get better with practice.

I am just like everyone suffering, I too have bad days, but I’m still here fighting the same battle I did back then, but it’s ok and I’m ok with that.

This is what makes me ME. Except who you are and you will be ok.

Love The School Holidays

Some parents hate the thought of school holidays, but I pine for these times. I miss the kids when they are not around.

They give me the reason to keep moving every day. They bring me back to my childhood the one I missed.

With the I can be myself, the more goofy I am the happier they are. They keep me feeling young and full of life.

For those parents who dread these times of the year the miss the best time of your life, and your kids definitely miss it.

Can’t wait to next week for the school holidays to start. Bring on the goofing around.

Hit By A Truck

I find myself waking up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck, every muscle in my body was sore. I must have had one of those nights when you toss and turn so much as though you had been fighting your night away.

I have spent years learning to not let things bother me and stand up for myself. Why I have let things get to me is not like me.

I kick myself for letting others bother me. I need to follow my heart and what I believe in.

That One Thing That Plays On Your Mind

Over the last week I have been finding it really hard to push through. When I get like this I do things that make me happy to push me through, but I can’t seem to get past one thing.

I know that I shouldn’t let things get on top of me as it just makes my mind take over, but sometimes no matter how hard you try some just play on your mind longer than others.