I hope everyone is doing OK.
This blog I wanted to share how being an abuse survivor has changed my life, in ways many people wouldn’t think. There are daily life activities that can’t be done due to a trigger/Flashback.
To exclude triggers/flashbacks in my life I have needed to change the way I live my life. These are secrets I hold close to my heart, but it’s the reality of what the rape and abuse have caused.
These triggers can be having a shower, I need to have the door open as I get scared of the unknown, meaning I need to know if anyone is outside the door, I also can’t shower with a shower curtain as I feel like I’m being grabbed.
I leave the door of the toilet open because I freak out in the small room. I can’t be scared, I need to know where everyone is in the house. I can’t be touched from behind.
I also struggle with clothing, any tight-fitting clothing, hoodies are my worst enemy as they bring back my biggest triggers, the feeling of someone who has their hand around my throat, just as it did on one of the occasions.
I don’t sleep in anything but undies and singlet as I wake up feeling like someone’s grabbing me. My husband can’t even hold me in bed.
My life changed drastically when I went through all of this, but I’m a survivor I’m here and I’m telling my story. Yes, I had to change my life to not include things, but its better than remembering the bad.
We don’t have to let it shape us into what we don’t want to be, don’t let them win.